by C. Meagan Michael
I had not anticipated this feeling of lightness of being and happiness. Yesterday was my first day in a few months with out my narcissistic friend. I had been in denial for a while about her narcissism. I felt she was non toxic to me so I was able to ignore or explain away the other symptoms and signs.
At least consciously. Subconsciously I was getting stressed and depressed. I did not realize that this was a direct result of my association with this woman. Being constantly dismissed and having your feelings disregarded will wear you down. When someone is never happy for you and jealous of everything, when you can not trust someone and are always questioning their intentions... and the answer to the question is never in your favor... it erodes your sense of self. Regardless of how strong you think you are or how strong you really are, you too will have your happiness and peace of mind erased by your association with these people.
I suppose I always knew that she was using me the way she uses every one for money. Regardless of what people had she was unapologetically willing to take it from them and use it for herself. She would be angry when she knew someone had money and would not give it to her. Some was never enough and all... well, she would just move on when you ran out.
She has a "friend." A man who would like to be more than friends. He is disabled with MS. She was angry that he only spent 60 on her sons birthday gift and 300 on her daughters. She was REALLY angry that, "he can afford to give my daughter a 300 laptop but he can't give me any money!"
I thought to myself, "that is because you are a financial black hole and I can not believe you don't see it!"
She was bitter that he favors the daughter. I thought to myself, "someone should value her. You surely don't"
I guess the cognitive dissonance got to me. Toward the end I could no longer pretend that she was any kind of friend. When someone wants to use your grocery money to supply their alcohol, tobacco and gas needs, there is a serious issue.
Why is it so hard for us to see the insanity? I think it is because while they fake it/love bomb us in the beginning we choose to blind ourselves to the reality because something is fun. Yes, this selfish woman was fun to hang out with for a while. We laughed a lot.
I was happy ALL day yesterday. I felt like myself again. When we know the truth but constantly try to pull the wool over our own eyes, it wears us down spiritually and emotionally.
Do not ever think that because a relationship is platonic that you are not being abused. Do not believe that because you are "not emotionally invested" because you "see" what this person is and choose to "accept it" that you are not adversely effected.
I assure you. You are.
Have a blessed day.
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