Getting To Know A Socio Pt. 2! The ABC's Of Dating After Abuse #AlwaysBe...

Codependency, Codependence, Self-Love Deficit Disorder - How It All Begins Part I

by C. Meagan Michael

Recently, I have been binge watching videos on Codependency. Are we ready to fully understand why we participated in the toxic dance and how this all transpired?

According to Pia Mellody it is really called Codependence. However, Ross Rosenberg has renamed it, rather well I believe. He calls it, "Self Love Deficit Disorder."

In childhood, we are conditionally loved by a narcissistic/toxic parent or parents. We are raised by someone who loves us for what we do not who we are. How we make them feel about themselves is what we are used for. We are often punished for trying to think for ourselves and become sovereign beings. We are rewarded when we are compliant and complimentary to the abusive parent.

Many of us are in complete denial about having been raised in an abusive home. How could it be? "I was never hit." or "I was never sexually abused" and "my mother loved me so much she doted on me all the time and was extremely over-protective."

Hec, she told me that she loved me too much and, "that was my problem."

#FlawedByDesign 

These are but 3 examples.  It was shocking to me when I realized that my mother was my first narcissist. That the woman I was trusted more than anyone on the planet was actually my first and life-long enemy. For many of us, this is difficult or impossible to fathom. That does not make it any less true.

 In order for us to heal, we have to understand what has happened to us, by whom and what role we play.

Once I woke up I had become aware that I had a pattern of being involved in unhealthy relationships. I started to dig deeper into my psyche and analyze why I was attracted to toxic people and how it all began.

In October of 2015, I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing. I was chatting with a friend of mine who happened to be a psychologist. I was very upset because someone had said something to me which felt like pity and I had exploded. I said, "HOW DARE SHE!!!" My friend being diplomatic said, "Yes, How dare she." Her tone was flat. Immediately I was drawn to my higher self, informing me that I was not really upset with this person, but that this person had triggered something from my past. 

Who? What? Where? When?

I suddenly felt as if I was falling like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, I saw experiences and people from my past on either side as I fell further and further. I saw psychiatrists, hospitals, and health care professionals, I saw my exes, I saw strangers and school children and teachers. The memories just kept coming. My subconscious knew I was open and ready.

When I reached the bottom, I was at the very core of this issue, I literally fell to my knees. I felt as if I had the wind knocked out of me. A stomach punch to the solar plexus and I was dizzy. 

I saw her. I saw my mother. There was no more rabbit hole, no other memories. It was she at the core of everything negative that had transpired in my life but what did it all mean?

Now I knew. It was time for me to analyze what this really meant. Asking myself the hard questions and be ready for the painful answers...

End of Part I

Why People May Reject Your Truth

by C. Meagan Michael

Recently a very aware friend of mine, Patricia J. Morton-Stephens, was troubled because she was being unfriended and blocked by some people on social media in a particular community. She is an insightful author and often shares her thoughts with the world. She requested opinions on why this is transpiring. Here is her post:

Ok, quick question. What is with this absolute angst and hatred within our own LGBTQ community? I am constantly getting blocked by our younger generations Instagrams for exposing what I feel is educating to our younger community,things that are important and valid. They get upset when you start a discussion then block you. I have not put anyone down or even cussed or been hateful in anyway. What is with the automatic defensiveness when you address issues that affect our community? Such as I was blocked for exposing sexism within an LGBTQ post.

Here is my opinion:

Many people have little to no experience being insightful or contemplating the bigger picture outside their own perceived reality. I have recently been blocked by two adults. Both in one day. One had extreme traits of NPD, immediately took a simple comment, "please do not insult my intelligence" as personal attack aka narcissistic injury. I am grateful for the real time unfriend.

The other was a victim and is having extreme difficulty morphing into a survivor because she is stuck in her own viscous quagmire of toxicity. We never shared a harsh word. Something I posted,vlogged or blogged clearly triggered her. I may never know what that was and that is okay. Not my circus, not my monkies comes to mind...

My suggestion.. do not worry about it. Continue to tell your truth. Be your authentic self. Remember, we can not change anyone but ourselves and we can only influence the willing. If someone is not ready to change then information that applies to them will either fall on deaf ears or offend them. If it offends them they are likely projecting and feeling that you have/are the problem as they are unwilling to take a harder look at themselves or the world around them at this time. These people may never be able to process the information that you provide and that is okay. Not everyone is going to become self-aware. Your work will enlighten the right people at the right time. Those who are content with the status quo and see no reason to change will see you as rocking their boat and they do not know how to swim.

Continue to be your authentic self and do not take other's reactions personally. They are rejecting themselves and their own truth. Not you and yours.

The Most Obvious Case Of Munchausen By Proxy I Have EVER Seen - Kathy and Jennifer Bush

By C. Meagan Michael



This is the most obvious case of Munchausen By Proxy I have ever seen. I hope that young lady becomes aware one day of what really happened to her. From what I understand she is still in the fog of denial. I can understand why. It took me 50 years to realize that this had happened to me.

Do you know how hard it is to accept that your mother did not care about you at all? To realize that she endangered your life and essentially tortured you by proxy when you were very young and at your most vulnerable. Many women with this disorder kill their children. Many women don't. They are the ones who get away with it most often. All those surgeries, doctors visits and thermometers up your butt were all for her? All for attention. HER attention! So that she can feel important and look knowledgeable to doctors and nurses. As well as deriving constant attention and sympathy from friends and family is also key.

Your illnesses become the focus of every conversation. People who have munchausen syndrome feign their own illnesses for this attention. Many of them cross over and do it to their children or the elderly by proxy. It is truly the most cruel and abusive think a mother can do.

 It is hard for others to believe and conceive that this person who spent all their time "worrying" about you and "caring" for you "selfelessly" could have done it for any reason other than love. A healthy mind from a functional family would surely find this concept difficult if not impossible to grasp.

Then consider all the outsiders who became involved in this hysteria. The doctors who preformed the surgeries. The nurses who administered unnecessary medications and treatments. The friends and family who listened and commiserated with the mother. The father... was he just trying to keep the mother happy and keep the narcissistic sociopath focused on someone other than him? How can these people accept the truth? There are all kinds of ramifications. Legal, ethical, moral, and spiritual.  Who wants to admit that this happened. No one wants a finger pointed at them.

No involved would say to the daughter, do you know what your mother did to you?  The question I would like to ask people from my past would be, "if you knew, why didn't you do or say anything?"

My mother had Munchausen By Proxy. Oddly enough my father who died due to malpractice, died in this same hospital that the daughter, Jennifer Bush was in. Along with the doctors the hospital admitted guilt by settling the law suit out of court. It is of no surprise to me that this same hospital enabled Kathy Bush to medically abuse her daughter.



Kathleen Bush, A Mothers Betrayal : Crime Documentary
Kathleen Bush earned the nation's sympathy and admiration as she struggled to care for her grievously sick child. 8 year-old Jennifer was afflicted, her moth...
YOUTUBE.COM

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8iE_72s0R_nj7-8csXKMc-6BZQ10TzOQ

Out Of The Fog - The End Of The Narcissistic Friend

by C. Meagan Michael

I had not anticipated this feeling of lightness of being and happiness. Yesterday was my first day in a few months with out my narcissistic friend. I had been in denial for a while about her narcissism. I felt she was non toxic to me so I was able to ignore or explain away the other symptoms and signs.

At least consciously. Subconsciously I was getting stressed and depressed. I did not realize that this was a direct result of my association with this woman. Being constantly dismissed and having your feelings disregarded will wear you down. When someone is never happy for you and jealous of everything, when you can not trust someone and are always questioning their intentions... and the answer to the question is never in your favor... it erodes your sense of self. Regardless of how strong you think you are or how strong you really are, you too will have your happiness and peace of mind erased by your association with these people.

I suppose I always knew that she was using me the way she uses every one for money. Regardless of what people had she was unapologetically willing to take it from them and use it for herself. She would be angry when she knew someone had money and would not give it to her. Some was never enough and all... well, she would just move on when you ran out.

She has a "friend." A man who would like to be more than friends. He is disabled with MS. She was angry that he only spent 60 on her sons birthday gift and 300 on her daughters. She was REALLY angry that, "he can afford to give my daughter a 300 laptop but he can't give me any money!"

I thought to myself, "that is because you are a financial black hole and I can not believe you don't see it!"

She was bitter that he favors the daughter. I thought to myself, "someone should value her. You surely don't"

I guess the cognitive dissonance got to me. Toward the end I could no longer pretend that she was any kind of friend. When someone wants to use your grocery money to supply their alcohol, tobacco and gas needs, there is a serious issue.

Why is it so hard for us to see the insanity? I think it is because while they fake it/love bomb us in the beginning we choose to blind ourselves to the reality because something is fun. Yes, this selfish woman was fun to hang out with for a while. We laughed a lot. 

I was happy ALL day yesterday. I felt like myself again. When we know the truth but constantly try to pull the wool over our own eyes, it wears us down spiritually and emotionally.

Do not ever think that because a relationship is platonic that you are not being abused. Do not believe that because you are "not emotionally invested" because you "see" what this person is and choose to "accept it" that you are not adversely effected.

I assure you. You are.

Have a blessed day.

‪#‎OutOfTheFog‬

Why Are Narcissists Like Flies?

by C. Meagan Michael

Toxic people are like flies on sh*t. When your life "stinks" they swarm all around you. They glean narcissistic supply from your misfortune even when they did not create it.

It's a free ride for them. An easy "fix"

7 ABC's of Dating After Abuse - ALWAYS BE CAUTIOUS!

By C. Meagan Michael

1. Question everything!

   Take nothing for granted. If it sounds absurd or it feels (gut feeling) wrong, question it! If it is too     good to be true it probably is. This guy/girl seems like your "soul mate" they all do. That's their "shtick." A question is not the same as an accusation. In sales there are buyers questions and objections. They are not the same thing. Ask questions and listen for the answers.





2. Ask the hard questions

   They will cover up their lies with other lies if they have time to prepare. If you call them on
 something immediately that most people do not call them out on due to "manners," they will likely      LASH out an verbally attack you to redirect the conversation. They redirect the conversation. Their goal would be to "revisit" the  topic later when they are prepared or not at all. If they can undermine your sense of self and make you question your sanity they have won.

3.Let them answer for themselves don't spoon feed them the answers you want to hear

   We often make excuses for them. Instead of asking the hard questions we are embarrassed.When     they are somehow called to the carpet WE often take it upon ourselves to answer for them. To make   up in our minds a reasonable explanation for unreasonable actions. We do this because we are         accustomed to "fixing people" We would not want our Narc Mother/Father to suffer through an   embarrassing humiliation. We surely did not question her once we saw and lived through their toxic wrath. We are USED TO being lied to. We are essentially asking for it so that we do not experience cognitive dissonance. We want to be lied to so that everything makes sense to us.

4. Take is SLOW - avoid physical contact. It confuses things

 They WILL try to rush intimacy. Especially the somatic narcissists who use their bodies and sexuality as part of their tactic to manipulate and control you. SAY NO! This feels odd for many of us. We may not want to say no. When that occurs allow yourself to recall the abuse. The years of fear, insecurity, humiliation and worse. Is having sex right now essentially worth the rest of your life? Instead of selling your soul to the "devil" just say, NO!

                                                               5. Get to know them. 

If they are truly toxic you will be VERY grateful that you did not get closer. They are likely in some type of relationship with one or more people as this is how they glean narcissistic supply. If you think that toxic sex still sounds appealing... you still have work to do. Once you feel true self love, self worth and self respect you will never again allow others to disrespect you.
If someone is non-manipulative and really cares about you, their interest will not wane. They will WAIT forever if they have to... Aren't you worth waiting for?

6. Do not disregard little digs/insults/innuendos

Toxic people do not charm you and earn your trust by saying, "Hey you stupid bitch, happy to meet you, so I can suck the life right out of you!"

They do however, have a hard time hiding their contempt for us. Especially when the sense self confidence in us. Self confidence is toxic to them because they do not have any. They will say little things seemingly in jest. They use words that demean you they are condescending to you. Ie. Being called brat may seem cute at first. However, the person calling you a brat or something similar is simply feigning familiarity and testing your boundaries. If they are calling you any name at all right off the bat, it is definitely a sign of toxicity.

Brat today - Bitch tomorrow

7. Do Not disregard terms of endearment that FEEL like insults 

Words like "hun" and "sweetie" Are often not said with love. Especially by those who do not know us well enough to love us. They are often used by people who are trying to sugar coat some bad "medicine" that they are feeding you. Sugar coating something that they are going to say but do not want you to be offended by. They are lubing you up so they can stick you with something condescending. This is not because they care about your feelings. It is so they do not have to deal with the backlash of you standing up for yourself. This is what they never want... They want you do get used to being the submissive, subservient creature. This is not sexy. This is them treating as supply.

Being narcissistic supply is like being food for a cannibal. There is NOTHING in it for you. RUN!

Take back your power. Stay strong. You are not alone, you are worthy and you are loved.

Confronting A Narcissist Offends Them HIGHLY!

by C. Meagan Michael

Toxic People get very irate when you call them out on their lies. They will often toss word salad at you (meaningless words meant to confuse you) or blatant insults and cruelties, all to redirect the conversation.

They feel that attacking you will make you defend yourself. Forgetting or wishing you had never questioned them on their toxic lies. Sometimes this just buys them time to come up with a better lie to cover up the one you were calling them out on.

ALWAYS it is a major Red Flag of Toxicity.

Getting To Know A Socio Pt. 1! The ABC's Of Dating After Abuse #AlwaysB...

10 Signs that you are getting to know a sociopath. I did this recently and here is part 1 of the story.



Always remember your ABC's when meeting people after abuse. Being awake and aware surely makes us less susceptible but does it fully protect us? No. We are programmed from childhood to like what we like and feel comfortable with certain types of people. Unfortunately these types are toxic for us.



Watch for part 2 of this video tomorrow morning Tuesday at 10:00 am! 5/17/16

 As well as my Blog detailing the ABC's. Coming out this afternoon at Breakingfreefromtoxicpeople.blogspot dot com 5/16/16

Narcissistic Mother/Narcissistic Friends: Who Is The Flying Monkey Now?

When your Narcissistic Mother and your friend (or partner) bond and become allies as they scapegoat you in your own house...



Who's the flying monkey now?

When Establishing New Relationships Embrace Caution! - Red Flags of Toxicity

by C. Meagan Michael

We need not be afraid of anything. What we need to be is cautious. Do not throw caution to the wind. Embrace it.

Anyone who has spent time in an abusive relationship needs to be very careful about getting close with anyone new. Take your time. Get to know this person inside and out. Sex complicates things. If you value your new life, good mental health, and sanity...

... T-A-K-E Y-O-U-R T-I-M-E

Do not rush into a relationship. Do not purge all your personal information. Do not share yourself physically because the psychological goes along with it. Do not blindly trust and make excuses for the behaviors that you notice but that to not coincide with what you see as "their personality."

Let their actions alone speak for them. Do not champion their past or present behaviors. Why? Because we are projecting our own good nature, values and morals onto them. Allow them to be who they are. Do not be afraid to be disappointed. Allow the truth to reveal itself. If you think the truth may not be what you want to hear THIS is a red flag in and of itself.

Words are meaningless without actions. Those who are sincere, who you mean something to, and who truly want you in their lives for the long run... will be patient. What's the rush?

Insane jealousy and possessiveness should not be part of any relationship. Especially early on when you are just getting to know each other. That is a huge red flag!

Toxic people have agendas. They are always rushing intimacy. That is only one Red Flag. There are many. Do you know the red flags? (what signs to look for) What do you consider green flags?

Always respect yourself. Know your worth. Never elevate others above you. Never put yourself down to build someone up. If you feel as if you need to squelch your accomplishments and talents to keep someone happy this is a sign of major TOXICITY

Listen to your gut. Discuss things with people in the healing community whom you know and trust. Bouncing things off of other people who are not in the midst of their own insane relationship is very helpful.

This is your life we are talking about. Haven't you wasted enough of it with Toxic People?

There Will Be No Cognitive Dissonance...

By C. Meagan Michael

cog·ni·tive dis·so·nance

noun PSYCHOLOGY

the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.

I spent my life searching for the good in evil. As you can imagine it was an empty and painful quest. Evil masks itself as good to engage people like us. People who see the world through rose colored glasses. People who want to believe the best of everyone and often feel that they themselves can love someone enough to help them find it.

This simply is not the case.

Search for the real... It will stand alone. Showing itself for what it is, you will not find it masked as anything else. While you may not always like what you see, you will know in your soul that it is ... what is appears to be.

There will be no cognitive dissonance.

You Are My Sunshine - Dedicated To My ESA Angel Dog, Meagan

This girl has been so life saving and life changing for me since I went no contact and moved to a new location. I adopted her, saving her life once...she saves mine every day.