Best Explanation Of A Flying Monkey!

Here is one of the best explanations of a Flying Monkey by my dear friend Michelle Breaking The Chain:

Now let me explain why people like me go No Contact - even from seemingly harmless friends.
We call them Flying Monkeys.
When someone in our lives remains in contact with, makes excuses for, dismisses our concern or experience of, tries to facilitate communication with a toxic, malignant ot crazy person (narc) who has caused terrible, repeated and with no remorse damage to our life and our mind, this friend is a direct conduit for the narc, and will be manipulated into doing more damage.
This is a Flying Monkey. Some don't know they are manipulated, some do.
Through a Flying Monkey, A narc has direct or indirect access to us and they ABSOLUTELY WILL use it to cause further damage.
Also, a flying monkey, by not believing us, not honoring our request not to discuss our business with someone we've gone No Contact with, invalidated us, betrays our trust and shows that our feelings and perceptions or concerns do not matter. This does more damage.
 So we go No Contact with the Flying Monkey.

- Michelle Breaking The Chain

Is People Pleasing As Selfish As Narcissistic Abuse?

Yesterday someone close to me, who knows everything I am going through with my health issues and doctors appointments, someone I call friend, did something that upset me GREATLY! They told my personal business about my illness to someone who has been extremely toxic in my life. My "friend" knew I specifically did not want this person to know my health issues but she took it upon herself to tell her not to tell me she told her. (how juvenile!) I was very hurt and angry. I realized I was also very triggered by this betrayal because it was a major part of the narcissistic abuse that I dealt with all my life.

Apparently my being triggered, triggered a good friend of mine while I was venting to her. Some people are still so programmed to people please that being angry at someone, even if it is clearly not them you are angry at, triggers them badly. Then the begin to make excuses for the person who stabbed you in the back. I think this is done to "smooth things over" or "make things right" in their mind. but in reality all it does is totally invalidate the friend who is rightfully angry because someone has offended them.

Is this because PP's are triggered or pathologically fearful of any confrontation? Perhaps... it is done for self preservation?

It takes time to move away from pathologically trying to please everyone. I used to be like that and only now I see how toxic that is too. In it's own way just as toxic and self serving as narcissism.

When you are disregarding a persons feelings and trying to make them see how "wrong" they are or how wrong they could be just so YOU don't have to deal with any kind of confrontation or negative emotion, it's totally selfish!

People pleasing is all about "smoothing things over" and/or "sweeping them under the rug" so YOU don't have to feel. So you don' have to be triggered. So you don't have to stand up for ANYTHING. God forbid you take a side and say, "you are right"  because that would mean the other person was "wrong" perhaps and you are unwilling/unable to do that. Perhaps you no sides but in fact play both sides telling each how valid their anger is and how you understand where they are coming from. Isn't this selfish too? If you would not want something done to you than playing the middle is completely insincere.

We are trained to be people pleasers. We have good hearts. We believe we mean well and are taking the high road but kissing people's asses. It can be a super power in the right circumstances but at other times it makes us weak. It allows toxic people to see that we are targets because they will not get any resistance from us. People who are too scared to stand up for themselves or anyone else. People who stuff their feelings and are proud because they seem to walk around happy all the time on the outside while inside them all these years of toxic emotions that have been stuffed deep down inside us... eat us alive from the inside out.

The Most Important Things In Life...

Privacy is a luxury. Though emotionally and mentally it becomes a necessity. Like many of us, I spent years of my life without adequate privacy. At times I was forced to live without any.

I realized that Peace Of Mind is the most important thing in anyone's life. When we have it we often don't recognize it.  When it's gone... it takes everything with it. Especially our mental and physical health.

I truly believe there is only so long that a human mind and body can tolerate abuse without breaking. So often abuse is measured by the black eyes and broken bones of the victim. Those of us driven to the point of illness or "crazy." Often it is overlooked or dismissed by lay people and medical professionals.

#PeaceOfMind #Gratitude #AlwaysBeGrateful

Who Has Cancer?

Okay, that would be me. I am not sure yet how to process this. I am grateful as always for all that I have including my peace of mind and precious new chosen life. I am grateful for my friends. I have several genuine friends and I have never been happier and healthier...

except for this little issue called Cancer.

I will thrive with this too. I will ask it nicely to leave my body. I know why I have it. The body and mind can not handle chronic major unrelieved stress for years at a time. Living in a constant state of fight or flight is impossible to do with out becoming ill in some way. The immune system is suppressed. Last year I was diagnosed with R.A. I thought that was the worst of it. Though in truth I knew I had a mass growing in my abdomen but we will talk about that later.

For now I am going to start blogging about my journey. My daily thoughts and my healing methods and progress. If you want to reach out feel free to email me at BreakingFreeFromToxicPeople@Gmail.com Together we are stronger. Separation is only an illusion. We are all part of the universal consciousness.

Have a blessed bright and beautiful day!

C. Meagan

America Is A Survivor Too!

I have been so anxious and stressed wondering what we could have done, what I could have done... to have obtained a different outcome regarding this election.

He mentioned that Trump would have said it was Rigged and that there would likely have been (I am paraphrasing) chaos and protesting just like there is now. Trump was preparing his followers for this.

In fact, there would likely have been MORE violence if those people had been the ones to lose and feel much like we do now. All in all, I think it worked out the way it was supposed to.

Think about this, my friend...

We create our own reality. We are ALL connected to a Universal Consciousness. Separation is just an illusion. Those who thrive on "us and them" really do not know that we are all one.

Those of us who have dealt with abuse, loss, suffering and other major challenges in our lives know that the greatest storms create the biggest changes. Those changes promote the greatest growth. We come out the other side of the storm as a greater version of ourselves. We can never go back nor would we ever want to.

America is going through a major storm. It will get worse before it gets better. It WILL get better though. The future generations will benefit from our suffering. The changes we make now will change America forever. Let us be our best when things are at their worst. Let us stand together and stand up for what we believe in even if we are standing alone.

We are at the ground floor of creating a new and improved America. How can we fight FOR diversity and acceptance when we are doing just the opposite by fighting AGAINST each other?

Remember, we do create our own reality with our thoughts, words and actions. Be sure these are all in alignment in order to create the change that you truly want.

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Making Right Choices Post Abuse/Communication Is Key

Making the right choices, saves us from making excuses. Excuses for ourselves and the behavior of those around us. We learn to do this throughout our lives. We gaslight ourselves into accepting less than we deserve from people who are not really what we need them to be because we WANT a part of what they offer. We often make their excuses for them because we do not really want to know what they are thinking. We create this imaginary reality and are always disappointed. Why? Because our fantasy version of this person and/or situation is not what most of us know as reality. It is what we want therefore we choose to believe that it is true. It becomes our reality alone.

It is another hard habit to break but once we do there is not going back. We recognize that we are doing it and refuse to gaslight ourselves any longer as we know we are worthy of everything good great and wonderful in this life. We NEVER again are willing to settle to have people in our lives who simply are not what and who we need. We choose to see people and things for what they are now. No more selective amnesia. No more cognitive dissonance. No more lies to us from others or to ourselves. I spent years talking about things. Things I wanted to change about myself, my life and the people in it. I lost 70 lbs. I created that reality for myself after talking about it repeatedly for years. That was but one of MANY things in my life that I have since acted upon. What kind of relationships I wanted and what I no longer would put up with. I chose to be alone for years now because I will never again accept less than I am willing to give. I am still giving and generous but no longer to my own detriment. Even the best friends in the world will not always know what is best for you nor will they chose to do what is best for you regardless of how it effects them. We always need to put ourselves first. This is healthy not selfish. When we EXPECT others to do what is best for us, we will always be disappointed. I learned this a long time ago after years of waiting to meet someone who would care about me enough to always do what is best for me. I met that person... that person is me.

Now if I want something done, I do it. Then it's done and I am happy. I feel accomplished and satisfied. I do not wait for someone else to do it for me or expect that someone will do something simply because I believe it's the "right" thing to do and I am "hoping" that they will make the "right" decision. This is another trap that we set for ourselves during out codep years. We then blame others in our minds for not doing "the right thing" when we in fact NEVER communicated what it was that we needed from them. It is a kind of passive aggressive behavior. (I won't tell you my needs because that might upset you so I wait for you to do or say the "right thing" when you do I think you are a God and when you don't, I make excuses for why you did not. The bottom line is that "my" needs never get met and I accept less and less. We can spend our lives talking about what we want our lives to be or we can create our reality right now in that moment.