Making Right Choices Post Abuse/Communication Is Key

Making the right choices, saves us from making excuses. Excuses for ourselves and the behavior of those around us. We learn to do this throughout our lives. We gaslight ourselves into accepting less than we deserve from people who are not really what we need them to be because we WANT a part of what they offer. We often make their excuses for them because we do not really want to know what they are thinking. We create this imaginary reality and are always disappointed. Why? Because our fantasy version of this person and/or situation is not what most of us know as reality. It is what we want therefore we choose to believe that it is true. It becomes our reality alone.

It is another hard habit to break but once we do there is not going back. We recognize that we are doing it and refuse to gaslight ourselves any longer as we know we are worthy of everything good great and wonderful in this life. We NEVER again are willing to settle to have people in our lives who simply are not what and who we need. We choose to see people and things for what they are now. No more selective amnesia. No more cognitive dissonance. No more lies to us from others or to ourselves. I spent years talking about things. Things I wanted to change about myself, my life and the people in it. I lost 70 lbs. I created that reality for myself after talking about it repeatedly for years. That was but one of MANY things in my life that I have since acted upon. What kind of relationships I wanted and what I no longer would put up with. I chose to be alone for years now because I will never again accept less than I am willing to give. I am still giving and generous but no longer to my own detriment. Even the best friends in the world will not always know what is best for you nor will they chose to do what is best for you regardless of how it effects them. We always need to put ourselves first. This is healthy not selfish. When we EXPECT others to do what is best for us, we will always be disappointed. I learned this a long time ago after years of waiting to meet someone who would care about me enough to always do what is best for me. I met that person... that person is me.

Now if I want something done, I do it. Then it's done and I am happy. I feel accomplished and satisfied. I do not wait for someone else to do it for me or expect that someone will do something simply because I believe it's the "right" thing to do and I am "hoping" that they will make the "right" decision. This is another trap that we set for ourselves during out codep years. We then blame others in our minds for not doing "the right thing" when we in fact NEVER communicated what it was that we needed from them. It is a kind of passive aggressive behavior. (I won't tell you my needs because that might upset you so I wait for you to do or say the "right thing" when you do I think you are a God and when you don't, I make excuses for why you did not. The bottom line is that "my" needs never get met and I accept less and less. We can spend our lives talking about what we want our lives to be or we can create our reality right now in that moment.