I HATE The Month Of June - The Greatest Loss-es

by C. Meagan Michael

I write with tears in my eyes today. Muhammad Ali died yesterday. Really? Why God? Why did you have to take the two humans I respected and admired most in my life.... in June?

My father was born on 12/6 and died on 6/12. My dad was the greatest... Then you took the "Greatest" yesterday? Muhammad Ali? Why?

I met him years ago. He already was ill but very few knew. He was at a card show signing autographs. I was blessed to be working for a friend of mine. So, I stood in line and when it was my turn I said, "May I take a picture with you?" His manager said, 'NO'. The Greatest said, "Yes" and he motioned for me to come up on stage and sit next to him...

I handed my little camera to a stranger whom I always be grateful to. She took our picture.

I was seated right next to Muhammad Ali... one of my all time heros in life... The stranger took our pic. I kissed him on his cheek after. He slowly put his hand to his cheek and gave a look of surprise. We all laughed. I was so grateful.

As grateful as I was that the photo of he and I was developed and though poor quality because it was a disposable camera... it is clear that it was I.. sitting next to my hero.

My hero who passed away yesterday.

R.I.P. Muhammad Ali...

I believe you are up in Heaven chatting with my dad who passed on June 12/89.

Thank you

Sometimes Narcissists Die - No Contact No Regrets - RIP Bobby Old Friend

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day - June 1st 2016 #IfMyWoundsWereVisible

By C. Meagan Michael

#IfMyWoundsWereVisible

You would stop calling me by my birth name. That person does not live here anymore.
You would not recognize me as the person I used to be.
I would look like I was mauled to death by a pack of wolves.
You would see the scars where the wounds used to be.
You would see the damage to my soul.

Getting To Know A Socio Pt. 2! The ABC's Of Dating After Abuse #AlwaysBe...

Codependency, Codependence, Self-Love Deficit Disorder - How It All Begins Part I

by C. Meagan Michael

Recently, I have been binge watching videos on Codependency. Are we ready to fully understand why we participated in the toxic dance and how this all transpired?

According to Pia Mellody it is really called Codependence. However, Ross Rosenberg has renamed it, rather well I believe. He calls it, "Self Love Deficit Disorder."

In childhood, we are conditionally loved by a narcissistic/toxic parent or parents. We are raised by someone who loves us for what we do not who we are. How we make them feel about themselves is what we are used for. We are often punished for trying to think for ourselves and become sovereign beings. We are rewarded when we are compliant and complimentary to the abusive parent.

Many of us are in complete denial about having been raised in an abusive home. How could it be? "I was never hit." or "I was never sexually abused" and "my mother loved me so much she doted on me all the time and was extremely over-protective."

Hec, she told me that she loved me too much and, "that was my problem."

#FlawedByDesign 

These are but 3 examples.  It was shocking to me when I realized that my mother was my first narcissist. That the woman I was trusted more than anyone on the planet was actually my first and life-long enemy. For many of us, this is difficult or impossible to fathom. That does not make it any less true.

 In order for us to heal, we have to understand what has happened to us, by whom and what role we play.

Once I woke up I had become aware that I had a pattern of being involved in unhealthy relationships. I started to dig deeper into my psyche and analyze why I was attracted to toxic people and how it all began.

In October of 2015, I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing. I was chatting with a friend of mine who happened to be a psychologist. I was very upset because someone had said something to me which felt like pity and I had exploded. I said, "HOW DARE SHE!!!" My friend being diplomatic said, "Yes, How dare she." Her tone was flat. Immediately I was drawn to my higher self, informing me that I was not really upset with this person, but that this person had triggered something from my past. 

Who? What? Where? When?

I suddenly felt as if I was falling like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, I saw experiences and people from my past on either side as I fell further and further. I saw psychiatrists, hospitals, and health care professionals, I saw my exes, I saw strangers and school children and teachers. The memories just kept coming. My subconscious knew I was open and ready.

When I reached the bottom, I was at the very core of this issue, I literally fell to my knees. I felt as if I had the wind knocked out of me. A stomach punch to the solar plexus and I was dizzy. 

I saw her. I saw my mother. There was no more rabbit hole, no other memories. It was she at the core of everything negative that had transpired in my life but what did it all mean?

Now I knew. It was time for me to analyze what this really meant. Asking myself the hard questions and be ready for the painful answers...

End of Part I

Why People May Reject Your Truth

by C. Meagan Michael

Recently a very aware friend of mine, Patricia J. Morton-Stephens, was troubled because she was being unfriended and blocked by some people on social media in a particular community. She is an insightful author and often shares her thoughts with the world. She requested opinions on why this is transpiring. Here is her post:

Ok, quick question. What is with this absolute angst and hatred within our own LGBTQ community? I am constantly getting blocked by our younger generations Instagrams for exposing what I feel is educating to our younger community,things that are important and valid. They get upset when you start a discussion then block you. I have not put anyone down or even cussed or been hateful in anyway. What is with the automatic defensiveness when you address issues that affect our community? Such as I was blocked for exposing sexism within an LGBTQ post.

Here is my opinion:

Many people have little to no experience being insightful or contemplating the bigger picture outside their own perceived reality. I have recently been blocked by two adults. Both in one day. One had extreme traits of NPD, immediately took a simple comment, "please do not insult my intelligence" as personal attack aka narcissistic injury. I am grateful for the real time unfriend.

The other was a victim and is having extreme difficulty morphing into a survivor because she is stuck in her own viscous quagmire of toxicity. We never shared a harsh word. Something I posted,vlogged or blogged clearly triggered her. I may never know what that was and that is okay. Not my circus, not my monkies comes to mind...

My suggestion.. do not worry about it. Continue to tell your truth. Be your authentic self. Remember, we can not change anyone but ourselves and we can only influence the willing. If someone is not ready to change then information that applies to them will either fall on deaf ears or offend them. If it offends them they are likely projecting and feeling that you have/are the problem as they are unwilling to take a harder look at themselves or the world around them at this time. These people may never be able to process the information that you provide and that is okay. Not everyone is going to become self-aware. Your work will enlighten the right people at the right time. Those who are content with the status quo and see no reason to change will see you as rocking their boat and they do not know how to swim.

Continue to be your authentic self and do not take other's reactions personally. They are rejecting themselves and their own truth. Not you and yours.

The Most Obvious Case Of Munchausen By Proxy I Have EVER Seen - Kathy and Jennifer Bush

By C. Meagan Michael



This is the most obvious case of Munchausen By Proxy I have ever seen. I hope that young lady becomes aware one day of what really happened to her. From what I understand she is still in the fog of denial. I can understand why. It took me 50 years to realize that this had happened to me.

Do you know how hard it is to accept that your mother did not care about you at all? To realize that she endangered your life and essentially tortured you by proxy when you were very young and at your most vulnerable. Many women with this disorder kill their children. Many women don't. They are the ones who get away with it most often. All those surgeries, doctors visits and thermometers up your butt were all for her? All for attention. HER attention! So that she can feel important and look knowledgeable to doctors and nurses. As well as deriving constant attention and sympathy from friends and family is also key.

Your illnesses become the focus of every conversation. People who have munchausen syndrome feign their own illnesses for this attention. Many of them cross over and do it to their children or the elderly by proxy. It is truly the most cruel and abusive think a mother can do.

 It is hard for others to believe and conceive that this person who spent all their time "worrying" about you and "caring" for you "selfelessly" could have done it for any reason other than love. A healthy mind from a functional family would surely find this concept difficult if not impossible to grasp.

Then consider all the outsiders who became involved in this hysteria. The doctors who preformed the surgeries. The nurses who administered unnecessary medications and treatments. The friends and family who listened and commiserated with the mother. The father... was he just trying to keep the mother happy and keep the narcissistic sociopath focused on someone other than him? How can these people accept the truth? There are all kinds of ramifications. Legal, ethical, moral, and spiritual.  Who wants to admit that this happened. No one wants a finger pointed at them.

No involved would say to the daughter, do you know what your mother did to you?  The question I would like to ask people from my past would be, "if you knew, why didn't you do or say anything?"

My mother had Munchausen By Proxy. Oddly enough my father who died due to malpractice, died in this same hospital that the daughter, Jennifer Bush was in. Along with the doctors the hospital admitted guilt by settling the law suit out of court. It is of no surprise to me that this same hospital enabled Kathy Bush to medically abuse her daughter.



Kathleen Bush, A Mothers Betrayal : Crime Documentary
Kathleen Bush earned the nation's sympathy and admiration as she struggled to care for her grievously sick child. 8 year-old Jennifer was afflicted, her moth...
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